Image via WANA Commons by Natasha Hanova.
Hello ladies and gents, it’s been a while. I have distanced myself a little from my blog for a couple reasons, but we will get to that in a minute.
Let’s chat about a couple things:
1. There is absolutely no need for the temperature to ever get into the triple digits. Ever. It seems like every time I have gotten into my car this week, the thermometer tells me it’s like 102* and that just isn’t necessary. I have always been a lover of autumn. Honestly, summer would probably be my jam if it wasn’t so hot! I like the carefree attitude of summer, but what good is it if I have to stay inside to avoid a heat stroke?!
2. I am obsessed with baby blogs. Really, it’s only two. Some people might be reading this and worrying for my mental health, but I want to let you know: I have no intention of starting the baby process any time soon. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be in that position in life– but I’m not. I haven’t landed a full time job, my mom still has me on her health insurance, my husband is still in college, and we still live in an apartment with a roommate. Not ideal circumstances for child rearing. Until those things are out of the way and thriving, I will stick to living life vicariously through some baby blogs. My favorites (I mean like I’ve-read-every-post-ever favorites) are Dear Baby by Melissa Jordan and Little Baby Garvin by Jessica Garvin. I have loved reading about the ins and outs of their pregnancies and the awesome (and not-so-awesome) aspects of raising their little ones. But, these blogs really have more to offer (at least for me). I get a lot of fashion inspiration and I think a little more about my values and spirituality and marriage and what is really important in life. Thanks to Jessica, I am already thinking of fun new ways to celebrate and decorate for the holidays (eventually with kids!). And, thanks to Melissa, I am trying to take some fashion risks and really try to figure out my style and not just buy from the same stores over and over because they are convenient. But most of all, these blogs are helping me visualize what kind of family Chris and I will have one day, and what we want that family to look and feel like. Melissa and all of her wonderful words are really getting me to start thinking about how I feel about God and religion and all of the things I have been sort of ignoring in the past. The lessons I’ve learned from them? The best is yet to come.
3. I have not been feeling overly excited about reading lately. This one has really been weighing on me. Reading is a part of who I am and who I want to be and how I want to get to that point. I love books. Goodness, I even married a writer! But lately, I really haven’t been as much into reading (excluding blogs) as I used to be. At this point, I am chalking it up to being poor and not being able to indulge in some new books for my ever growing collection. A lot of it is stress too. The more stressed I seem to be, the more I tend to want to get away from some of the stressful situations in the fictional novels I’m reading. I know, I’m a loon. All I can think about is that line from the Blind Melon song: “It rips my life away, but it’s a great escape.” That’s kind of how I feel about books. Most of the time it’s a wonderful escape and I can’t get enough of it, but I think some of my stressors (mostly me not having a full time job and always seeming to be low on funds) are following me into these escapes. I can’t shake it. However, I am optimistic about a recent application I put in for a communications firm, and so I am trying to be positive about my life.
4. The future is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I know you guys are probably thinking “Duh, Casey” but I have never believed this more until now. My husband is still in school and in August he will start going five days a week. Typically, he has usually just gone every other day, but this semester stacking classes just didn’t work out. I know that he needs to do this and I will support him 500%, but I’m just terrified about our financial future. With him being in school a little over an hour away M-F, he will only work on weekends and I will be the sole breadwinner. I don’t have a full time job. I don’t make a ton of money. I don’t know if I can do this. In order to keep this anxiety in check, I have been applying everywhere possible, and I am trying to stay positive. A lot can happen in a month.
5. My stance on lying during interviews. In truth, I am really anxious when it comes to job interviews. I don’t want to fudge the truth about where I want to be in ten years, but I often think that the truth might turn potential employers off from me. I don’t want to stay in this area my whole life, and neither does my husband. But, employers want people that will stick with their company. It’ funny, in my Organizational Communication class (see Dr. Lyon, I was listening!), we talked about how the workplace used to be rigid and hierarchical and that once people got jobs, they stayed with that company for the rest of their career. Then we talked about how nowadays people are always looking to advance themselves and they really don’t stay within one company for too long. I feel like those two frameworks are sort of coming together. Companies want a competitive environment, but once the get you, they want to keep you. Forever. And ever. SCARY.
6. I’ve been rethinking this blog. This whole thing is really very specific. The blog is called Bookcasey: Confessions of a Bibliophile, and that implies BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS! HEY, BOOKS OVER HERE! That’s great, but I don’t think I can live up to that right now. I already told you about my current reading dilemma (it’s really not that bad), but it’s other parts of the process, too. You may have noticed that I am not the most regular poster, but that’s because I readreadread and then I promise reviews, and then I just want to read but there are so many books piling up to be reviewed and then I just ignore the problem and keep reading. Then I hide. And you don’t see me for weeks. And it makes me feel guilty. So lately I have been contemplating changing the name of this blog and just making it sort of a general thing. However, this new blog format would still include me talking about books and the occasional review. The best of both worlds, right? THEN WHY AM I STILL THINKING ABOUT IT. I am a deliberator. (sp?) I can’t not think the death out of something. As my husband might say “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
And there you have it: I am a basketcase and I am quickly unraveling…and re-raveling….and unraveling….you get it. One of my professors once told me that the year after he finished his undergraduate degree was the hardest and most depressing of his life, and he’s right. I wish he wasn’t, but this is a time of transition and I really just have to try and make the best of it.